


Killing Me Softly

by EmpireSunIncInerator



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Divergent Timelines, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 06:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18805819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmpireSunIncInerator/pseuds/EmpireSunIncInerator
Summary: "Honestly Beth...I think we're on our own."--Nicole Grimes must bravely lead her group in a zombie infected wasteland in the midst of the apocalypse. Where you must learn to fight to survive, and struggle to really live.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU featuring an Oc which begins at the end of season 2, also note that Judith is born early, some of the original group is split up, and the timeline is changed where events of season 3 and 4 are happening around the time of season 5, 6, and some of season 7 and 8 (though most of the events are changed!) please enjoy!!!

_Survive now, cry later._

* * *

Holding her squalling 6 day old niece, Nicolene Grimes-- _Nicole for short_ \--stood frozen in place as she watched in despair as the little patch of paradise her, her brother and their group had managed to stumble upon,[ burned to ashes ](http://www.omega-level.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/barnburn.gif)as it was overrun by Walkers.

With one hand shaking on the trigger, and her niece clutched in the other, Nicole skirted the horde of Walkers in search of her brother. Car honks, crackling flames, and the loud growling assembly of Walkers were near deafening. Everything was in complete turmoil and Nicole was doing all she could to avoid the worst of it.

Walkers would pop up here and there, growling loudly,  jaws snapping, grabbing at Nicole and the baby that she held in her arm. But Nicole didn’t even allow them within arms reach, she tried avoiding them to the best of her ability but as they kept advancing, she had no other choice but to fire her gun.

To Nicole, the blast from the gun sounded louder than what was going on around her. And she knew, just knew, that after that first bullet was fired that she couldn’t stick around searching for Rick anymore. She gave up skirting the edge of the farm and opted to instead run as fast as she could in a random direction, praying that they wouldn’t get cut off by another horde of Walkers.

Nicole blindly stumbled through the dark, nearly letting Judith slip from her grasp on numerous occasions. She was desperate in getting away, away from the horde of Walkers, away from their fallen paradise, away from the danger. It was self-preservation that drove her onwards, for her and Judith.

_‘What do I do?’_ It was a fleeting thought, obscured by her conflicting emotions. Half wanting to go back and find Rick and the others, and another that’s telling her to save herself and Judith. With no idea coming to her, and the dead catching up, she kept running in the direction she set off in.

She zig zags a little, in an attempt to reduce the number of the dead following her. She’s able to lead a few into the swamp to take them out. She gradually reduces her pursues, so when she’s a good distance away from the farm, she and Judith are on their own. The Walkers either lost or permanently extinct.

As she staggers over to lean against a nearby tree, _weary of the dangers that lurk in the dark_ , she glances down at her red-faced niece who was softly whimpering in fear and confusion. Judith didn’t know what was going on, or understood the severity of the situation, she was just a little, innocent baby--

Nicole didn’t notice that she was trembling until a few stray salty tears dripped from her eyelashes and fell upon the little onesie that was gifted to Judith by the Greene’s family. Only then did it really sink in, that they were alone. Her group, her family, and her friends. All gone.

She felt nauseous, as if she were about to let all of her stomach contents spray across the muddy ground. However she kept it down, now was not the time for that. Right now, she had to find somewhere safe for herself and her niece.

Nicole kept moving forward, being out in the open left them vulnerable to not just the Walkers, but any type of predator. She also had no food, no drinking water, and no necessities to care for a baby. If she didn’t keep going, then not only will she die, but also Judith.  

* * *

_Strumming my pain with her fingers,_

_singing my life with her words,_

_killing me softly with her song._

_Killing Me Softly_Frank Sinatra_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note---Judy, Little Ass-Kicker are some of Judith's nicknames!!

_There are all these moments you think you won’t survive. And then you survive.--David Levithan_

* * *

Nicole [stepped lightly ](http://i.pinimg.com/originals/4f/f2/9b/4ff29bfe9cecf44d25915108824c95fc.gif)across the forest floor, _the way Daryl had taught her to do when they had been out searching for Sophia,_ as she cautiously wandered through the woods, being extremely mindful of their surroundings. It was a blessing from above that Judith, _miraculously_ , fell asleep not to long ago and was now lightly dozing away in her arms.

Nicole wished she could do the same, just lay down and sleep. But it wasn’t safe, they weren’t safe out here, and were practically sitting ducks for anyone to pick off. Nicole kept her pace quick but manageable, she needed to get as far away from the overrun farm as possible. However she didn’t want to tire out too quickly, or become exhausted.

She still didn’t have a plan, an idea about going back to the highway had came to mind and she chewed the thought over, but rejects it almost immediately. It was too dangerous.

She could go bac--

“There's no going back, you know that, right?" Nicole whispered to herself, or Judith, or perhaps to the trees. around her. She didn't know who she was stating this realization to, only thing she really knew was there was no going back. _Because somehow, deep in her gut, she knew that nobody would be waiting there for them._

“Maybe everyone backtracked and are heading back towards Atlanta-- _No,_ don't be stupid now, Nicole.” Nicole debated back and forth with herself. A one-sided conversation that was getting her nowhere, and getting nothing done.

She eventually stopped talking to herself once Judith began to get fussy. “Sssh, calm down now, Judith. Be a good girl now.” Nicole coed softly, gently rocking the baby in her arms, trying to sooth the infant as best that she could.

However Judith was hungry and was growing short tempered. It didn't take long till her fussing turned into a full on wailing.

Panicked, Nicole began searching her surroundings. Trying to find some sort of residence or another farm where she might be able to find something suitable for her niece to eat.

She ran and ran for what seemed like kilometers, _but couldn't have been more than a few miles_ , till she stumbled upon a small back road. Nicole followed it all the way to it's end, and to her disappointment and frustration, it led her to an abandoned shed.

Not giving up hope, Nicole braced herself against the sheds entrance and pushed, the door, _which was made out of wood_ , was rotted and easily caved in under her weight.

Inside was a bunch of junk, a busted and old lawnmower, a rusted toolkit, and a few empty tins of paint. Everything inside was completely useless.

Nicole hunkered down, seeing as she over exerted herself and had to take a moment to rest. As she crouched there on the rotting wooden boards of the shed, she looked down at her niece.

Judith's face was bright red and unhappily scrunched up, tears streamed down her little chubby cheeks as she squirmed around in Nicole's grip.

Not knowing what else to do, she just kept rocking her, even standing up to pace the shed as she waited for her to calm down.

“I'm sorry, _god_ , I'm so sorry, Judy.” Nicole couldn't stop her own tears from falling, she felt so helpless, so _useless_ in caring for her only remaining family member. “This never should have happened. Not to you.”

It was was so unfair and cruel for her niece to be born in a world that went to shit. Where their lives would be constantly in danger, where they will forever live in fear of the dead. _It. just. wasn’t. fair!_

Nicole sat down heavily, her legs were wobbling to much to stand anymore and she was just so _tired_. “What are we going to do now, Judy?” Nicole’s head thumped against the shed’s wall, she couldn’t think of a plan at all.  

She briefly closed her hazel eyes, just for a moment to rest them, and in that second, _all hell breaks loose_. One moment her eyes blinked closed, and the next she was opening them to see a Walker mere inches away from her face, she didn’t even think about being bit as she raised up her leg and kicked it away.

Nicole scrambled to stand up, but as soon as she did her legs badly shook and she fell onto her knees. Fear pulsated through her veins as she, _almostly distantly_ , heard Judith crying in her arms. _‘This isn’t good!’_  Nicole thought to herself as she struggled to gain her footing, however only managed to get one foot under her before the Walker came lurching back.

This time Nicole hit it over the head with the butt of her gun. However the buttstroke did nothing more than dent the side of it's head. Nicole repeated the action three more times before finally, the Walkers head caved in and it went still. _Permanently down for the count._

But just when Nicole thought they were safe, two more Walkers found their way inside the shed. Seeing that the shed was no longer a good resting place, Nicole shoved past the two Walkers, making sure that neither touched a single none-yet-existing hair on Judith's little head.

Being vulnerable out in the open, with the rotting dead after them, Nicole ran back the way that they came and hoped to get as much distance between the Walkers and themselves. But there were plenty more Walkers than the ones that surprised her in the shed, and they were all too eager to make a tasty meal out of the panicking woman and frightened baby.

Nicole almost felt like a chicken with it's head cut off the way she was having to out maneuver the Walkers as they kept popping up in her path.

At one point hands seize her from behind, and she uses her weight against it, dropping like a sack of potatoes - tearing the arms as she does. Then she's up again, cradling a bawling Judith to her chest as she runs like a bat out of hell.

Groaning from up ahead makes her dodge to the left on instinct. She's able to twist to see a few more stumbling into view as she runs straight into a mudpit.

Her stomach rolls, her heart beats heavy in her chest and there's a sour taste in her mouth. She doesn't bother to pretend that she's not trembling as the rest of the dead make their way towards her. She desperately tries to trudge through the mud, but she's sunken up to her knees.

Nicole could do nothing more as the Walkers came closer and closer--then something that could only be described as a miracle happened.

To her shock and relief the end of a sword is there, staring at her through the head of a Walker that was to close for comfort. _More meet the same fate._  
  
Out from the bushes and foliage comes a[ woman in a dark cloak, dragging two jawless, armless dead men behind her.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/9e097c2c106a01cb440a356b44d0d743/tumblr_mxd5sc3bJK1rey868o1_500.gif)

Mystified by this unknown individual that unexpectedly came to her rescue, Nicole completely forgot about her dangerous predicament as she watched this hooded person put the ass whooping on these Walkers.

Once they were cleared, the unidentified person turned to regard Nicole. Nicole, _who had been watching the whole time_ , stared back and held Judith just a bit more closely.

  
  
 

"Thank you." Nicole said, genuinely meaning it. If not for this person, both her and Judith would have met a gruesome fate in the jaws of them Walkers.

Instead of saying anything, the hooded figure stuck out a hand and kindly helped pull Nicole out of the mudpit. Nicole graciously accepted the assistance and, _although caked in mud,_ was thankful that no harm had befallen either of them.

“Thank you.” Nicole repeated.

The woman nods, eyeings raking over Nicole warily. "Surprised you lasted so long."

“I am to.” Nicole begrudgingly said, a grimace crossing her face. It hadn't been her best moment, but since the barn...she couldn't really say she was in her right mind at the moment.

The black skinned woman hummed thoughtfully as she scanned over Nicole again, this time her eyes lingering in Judith.

“Don't worry. Everyone nowadays have occasions of…" she trails off, her brows furrowed, "…vulnerability, either they become food, or they're fortified enough to survive until next time."

“Or they have a sword wielding badass come out from behind the bushes to save their asses.” Nicole mused. "Thanks to you." Nicole steps closer, eyeing the dead on the chains, and holds out her hand. “Nicole, and I am seriously thankful for the save."  
  
"Michonne." Her clasp is strong.

Nicole’s eyes go to her companions. "And them?"  
  
Michonne's eyes soften briefly, before hardening as she turns away. "People I once knew."

Nicole floundered for a moment, before she heard Judith gurgle hungrily. That drew drew both her and Michonne's attention.

“I'm sorry to ask this of you but, do you know where I can find some baby formula?” Nicole asked hopefully, eyeing the miracle woman before her.

Michonne remained quiet for a moment, then gestured with her head for Nicole to follow. “I'll take you back to my camp, one of my friends maybe able to help you.”

Nicole lets out a sigh of relief as she obediently followed her katana wielding badass savior.

* * *

_Strumming my pain with her fingers,_

_singing my life with her words,_

_killing me softly with her song._

_Killing Me Softly_Frank Sinatra_


	3. Chapter 3

_Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.--Dan Rather_

* * *

Nicole slowly limped after Michonne as the african-american woman led them towards an unknown destination. The trek was slow, mostly due to Nicole’s twisted ankle and being cautious of potientle Walkers lurking about, and the atmosphere was an awkward and silent one; save for Judith's occasional little grunts and whines.

Nicole was also keeping a close eye on Michonne, regardless of Michonne saving both herself and Judith, there might still be a hidden ulterior motive for doing so. One that may or may not be connected to these _‘friends’._

Now and again Nicole would catch Michonne looking back at her and her niece, though if it was to see if they were keeping up or making sure they didn’t make a break for it, Nicole wasn’t sure. It was hard to tell with that blank expression on her face that didn’t give anything away.  

“So...how much farther to your camp?” Nicole questioned softly, keeping her voice low enough to not draw _unwanted_ attention. _And having those mutilated chained up Walkers turning their heads to look back at her was simply disturbing._

“Not much further,” was Michonne's response. “it's just up ahead.”

Nicole’s gut clenched uneasily as she stared forward, doubt flashing like emergency lights in her mind as she was having second thoughts about her decision to blindly follow a stranger.

_‘No use turning back now.’_ Nicole internally chided herself, praying that this hadn't been the wrong decision. _‘do or die time.’_

As soon as they emerge from the trees into a small clearing, and Nicole was able to get a good look around, did she finally notice Michonne's ‘ _friends’_.

It seemed like all the air in her lungs was suddenly stolen from her as she was monetarily left speechless, while her hazel eyes widened in recognition of the two women huddled around a crackling campfire.

“A-Andrea...Beth?!” Nicole couldn't believe it, she thought everyone would have been long gone by now. But here these two were, seeming to have made it off the farm just in the nick of time.

It was[ Andrea ](http://i.gifer.com/X4y9.gif)who reacted first, the blonde haired woman stood up and made her way towards a still shocked Nicole, with a worn out look on her face but nevertheless giving Nicole a small welcoming grin.

“Well you're a sight for sore eyes,” Andrea said as she come to rest a hand onto Nicole's shoulder. “The both of you.” her grin grew a little bit wider when she looked down at Judith, who was snuggled up against Nicole's chest.

“I can say the same about you--” Nicole glanced over Andrea’s shoulder, where [Beth](http://thumbs.gfycat.com/WelldocumentedThoroughAmethystsunbird-size_restricted.gif) stared blankly into the glowing flames of the campfire in a trance like state.

“She's been like that ever since we lost the farm.” Andrea explained as she noticed the concern look on Nicole's face.

It didn't really surprise Nicole to see Beth in a state like this, seeing as the young teen had lost both her home and her entire family all in one night. Though Nicole wasn't really all that close to Beth, she did understand the devastation at losing a loved one. _After all, Nicole had lost her family as well--except Judith._

“It appears that you know each other.” Michonne's sudden remark suddenly made Nicole realize that the African-American woman was still present. However the katana wielding badass woman didn't seem all that interested in their conversation, and instead left the two woman alone to catch up.

“When the Walkers swarmed the farm, I tried to find the others.” Andrea explained as they settled down together on a fallen log in front of the campfire. “I found Beth and that Patricia woman, I managed to save Beth but Patricia was grabbed by the Walkers...there was nothing neither of us could do.”

Andrea glanced away for a moment, a momentary look of pain and regret flashed through her eyes but settled into a look of acceptance. “After that...we ran, ran until we couldn't no more. That's when we meet Michonne, she saved us from some Walkers and we've stuck together ever since.”

“Same happened to me, though it's just been me and Judith.” Nicole stated, and as if she knew she had been mentioned, Judith became fussy.

Nicole crooned a [Johnny Cash song ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dY8_vZXo8oY)softly to her niece, she knew Judith must be starving by now, and as she looked desperate at Andrea, she watched as something like realization appeared on her face.

Andrea hastily stood up and walked over to grab a nearby duffle bag and brought it back to Nicole. “Managed to grab this before we were overrun, not very useful to the rest of us, but I'm glad that I decided to hang onto it.”

Nicole started to rummage through the bag until she pulled out a tin canister of baby formula. _Nicole was tempted to kiss the ground Andrea had walked on at this very moment._

* * *

_Strumming my pain with her fingers,_

_singing my life with her words,_

_killing me softly with her song._

_Killing Me Softly_Frank Sinatra_


	4. Chapter 4

_And perhaps it is the greater grief, After all, to be left on earth when another is gone.--Madeline Miller\_

* * *

Nicole felt content and more relaxed now that Judith was finally fed, and with a quick diaper change, was now dozing in Nicole’s arms as she gently rocked her back and forth.

Now with one problem out of the way, Nicole turned her thoughts towards a pressing issue; _where are they going to go now?_

Now that is a difficult question to answer, but it was something they needed to figure out and soon. The farm had been overrun by Walkers and was no longer a secure option, though the open road wasn't very appealing either...unless of course, they find a working car. With transportation, it would be much more easier to get around, and a safer option for Judith.

Just before Nicole could make the suggestion of finding a vehicle, Beth--who had remained unresponsive up to this point--seemed to find her voice and asked the first, _and a very obvious one at that_ , question. “Where do we go now?” Beth asked as she let out a shaky sigh.

“Somewhere safe, I guess.” Azalea shrugged, uncertain.

“Nowhere’s safe anymore.” Michonne retorted, while cleaning her sword of all the Walker blood that was splattered on it.

“Well, we got to at least try.” Andrea protested, still holding out hope for finding a better sanctuary. _Like the one Nicole had overheard in a conversation between her and Shane._ “Find a place with walls surrounding it and fill it up with supplies and a lot of ammunition.”

“Maybe...we should head back and try and find the others.” Beth suggested, looking somewhat hopeful at the possibility of the rest of their group being; _alive._

“I don’t think there’s anyone left to find.” Andrea said grimmly, sharing a mutual look with Nicole, who mournfully nodded back.

Beth physically deflated, however that spark of hope of hers wasn’t lost just yet. “They might not be back at the farm, but that doesn't mean that their dead.”

“We don’t know what happened to them,” Nicole interjected, before Andrea said something scathing to the already distressed teen. “But right now, we aren’t in any position to go looking. We have to look out for ourselves.”  
 

“I suggest we head southwest.” Michonne, _who had been quiet for the most part of the conversation_ , suddenly inputted. “It's becoming colder weather, and that could kill us just as much as a Walker.”

“A lot of things can now.” Andrea pointed out, though it didn’t sound condescending. “But not worrying about the cold is one less thing to worry about.”

“Maybe we should go to california then?” Beth perked up at that suggestion, but [Nicole ](http://i.gifer.com/6okr.gif)instantly shot it down.

“No, it's to populated.”

“Best bet is to head southwest like Michonne's suggested.” Andrea declared, seeming to side with the katana wielder of the group. “Find what we can find, and hope we get lucky.”

“I can't think of any other destination.” Nicole agreed. “Though we really need to find some form of transportation. Walking around with a newborn baby is a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Then we'll go searching for a vehicle as soon as we're ready to go.” Andrea assured, appearing to have come to the same revelation as Nicole.

“Not much of a plan, but it's something.” Michonne said as she put away her now clean sword. “You should all try at get some rest, I'll keep watch.”

“Wake me in about an hour and I'll take over.” Andrea yawned, concluding their discussion for the time being.

Nicole shifted around, trying to find something to lean against so that she could rest and still hold a sleeping Judith. After a few moments of shifting around, _and the occasional grunts of protest from Judith,_ Nicole made herself comfortable against the log she had been sitting on. And using the duffle bag as a makeshift armrests for when her arms begin to strain.

With humanity lost and with it the ability to tell time, Nicole guessed it had only been five minutes before she realized Beth had moved to lay down right beside her.

“Do you think the others are out there looking for us?” Beth's question came out in a shuddering breath, as if Beth was holding in a floodgate. _One that Nicole was regrettably going to open._

“Honestly Beth...I think we're on our own.” Nicole truthfully told her, not wanting to get the young teens hopes up.

An answering wet sniffle was all the communication she received in return. However that didn't discourage Nicole from shifting closer to Beth, silently telling the girl without words that she was not alone, that they had each other.

_The five of them were in it together now from here on out._

* * *

_Strumming my pain with her fingers,_

_singing my life with her words,_

_killing me softly with her song._

_Killing Me Softly_Frank Sinatra_


	5. Chapter 5

_Extinction is the rule. Survival is the exception.--Carl Sagan._

* * *

It was Judith who awoke Nicole from her light dozing. Her niece's whimpering whines and squirming roused the adult woman who quickly sought to the babies needs. They had all slept soundly through the night with no disturbance by Walkers. A great feat in this new world ruled by the dead that sought to kill and eat the living.

And [gazing adoringly ](http://i.gifer.com/SnVl.gif)down at her chubby-cheeked niece, _who was now only a week day old_ , Nicole felt a sense of pride in that small-- _almost_ _insignificant_ \--accomplishment.

_A well behaved baby is short of a miracle during these trying times._

Nicole lifted her gaze from where she was watching Judith happily suckle on her bottle and silently observed as Michonne, _their_ _rescuer_ , rose from where she slept on the other side of the now extinguished campfire.

Both women made eye contact, neither saying anything to one another during this early morning. _Savoring the peace while it lasted_. Though internally Nicole noted that they would be having a talk soon about their situation and about this perminate, _or temporary_ , team up.

So Nicole settled for giving Michonne a friendly grin and turned her attention back to Judith. Her niece already finishing up the last few swallows of the formula. Nicole then positioned Judith over her shoulder, and firmly patted her nieces back in order to release the air trapped inside the babies stomach. _Making Judith more comfortable and less fussy._

When Michonne stood up and began to move around, pacing around their temporary campsite, checking and securing both the things they had with them and on the lookout for Walkers.

Nicole had to physically maneuver herself out of Michonne's way, as the katana wielding badass stalked by, heading towards her pet Walkers that had been tied to a tree prior to them falling asleep.

Nicole's other two companions were already waking up, awakened by the sound of Michonne moving around, or possibly startled awake by the loud burp that Judith managed to get out. _It lightened the mood of uncertainty that this morning brought considerably._

“Mornin’…” Beth murmured from where she was sitting up beside Nicole. Her lean body stretching and popping stiff joints. The young teen looked better today, more lively and refreshed from a somewhat good night's sleep, _that had quit the tossing and turning from bad dreams that caused Nicole to more than once quiet down a disgruntled Judith_ , though dirty tear streaks were still visible on her cheeks.

“Mornin’ to you too.” Nicole softly replied, digging around in the duffle bag to see if there was a granola bar stashed away in one of the zippers. Of course there was nothing inside expect for baby things, but they’d have to find adult food eventually, and hopefully soon. Nicole, _disappointed_ , gave up the search of a morning meal and zipped up the duffle bag once again after throwing the finished baby bottle inside.  

“So what's on today's agenda?” Andrea asked around a loud yawn, as she shuffled closer to the still sleep addled group.

“We’ll be moving on today.” Michonne responded, appearing beside Andrea with the two mutilated Walkers. Which were leashed like pet dogs, as she led them around. “Head towards the main road, try and find a working vehicle.”  

“So then let's get going.” Nicole declared, feeling much better with a set plan.

Beth was the only one who didn’t voice her opinion. Once again appearing forlorn about leaving her home behind, possibly forever. _Nicole didn’t berate her for it._ So pitying the poor girl, Nicole silently held out a now sleeping Judith towards the teen, gesturing for Beth to hold her.

If holding Judith calmed Nicole, then Beth would be distracted for the majority of the time spent looking after Judith, while Nicole helped carry around the heavy duffle bag. Though there situation did raise some uncomfortable questions; even _If_ they did find a working car, where would they go? _Yes_ , they did have a direction, but they don't have a destination.

_No real purpose._

_‘Don’t think that!’_ Nicole internally scolded herself as she rose to her feet, hefting the duffle bag over her shoulder as Michonne took the lead. Andrea was in the back, while Nicole, Beth and little Judith were protectively in the middle. _‘Your living to find a reason worth living...and one of them is for Judith!’_

Nicole kept one eye out for Walkers, while the other was kept on Beth, who was tightly holding onto Judith. Beth and Judith were by far the most vulnerable members of their group, and needed to be protected the most. It also didn’t help that every rustle of the leaves, the shadows casted by the trees, and the occasional, _unidentifiable_ , sound, seemed to send her into a whimpering, clinging, mess. _Which_ _Nicole still didn’t berate her for._

Moving in closer till their arms barely, Nicole protectively walked alongside Beth, matching her pace. The action drew Beth from her fear induced trance, but her anxiety was still plain to see.

Feeling that it was her duty and obligation to look after and guide this young teenage girl. Who had lost not only her entire family and friends, but her entire home all in one night. Nicole felt it important to reach out to Beth, and let her know that she wasn't alone.

“Just stick close to me--” Nicole murmured softly enough for Beth to hear her, but not wake Judith. “an I'll keep you safe. So don't you go worrying yourself, okay Beth?”

Beth turned her head towards Nicole and seemed to stare at her with big soulful eyes before biting down on her lower lip. She then looked down at the ground she was treading on under her feet. Her lips moved, shaping words she wasn't ready to say just yet. _Which_ _Nicole didn’t berate her for._

Nicole’s hand landed on Beth's shoulder then and Beth glanced down at it, smiling softly like the touch made everything right in this world. _No, Nicole didn’t berate Beth for anything._

_Though Nicole did berate herself for not doing more to protect her family._

* * *

_Strumming my pain with her fingers,_

_singing my life with her words,_

_killing me softly with her song._

_Killing Me Softly_Frank Sinatra_


	6. Chapter 6

_Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere. ― Paulo Coelho_

* * *

The humid heat followed them through the woodland as they made their way through the foliage. They had cut across the dirt road, _the same one that led Nicole to the rundown shed,_ on their way down south in hopes of finding some kind of transportation or perhaps even some shelter. No one really knew where they were going or what they were looking for. They were just wandering. _Wandering like the dead that had taken over._

More than once did Nicole stand back and observe Michonne pull her katana out of the skull of a Walker and watched it fall to the ground. _Permanently dead this time._ It sent chills up her spine witnessing such raw skill in action; _every time_.

Michonne, as it seemed, was turning out to be their greatest asset. _A much needed one at that._ And it appeared that she and Andrea were getting along the most. Each woman communicating on a frequency that neither Nicole nor Beth seemed in tune with. _It was endearing to say the least._

The connections and bonds that were slowly forming in their little group could only be a good thing, Nicole decided. It gave her hope that they were all going to stick it out together; defending and providing and preparing for the future.

_That Michonne will stick around for the long haul. Beth won't break. Andrea wouldn't go rogue. Judith would remain safe. And Nicole would keep it all together._

By the time they managed to find the main road, _regardless of Beth's assistance in guiding them there_ , they had used up the better half of the day getting here. Now their main focus was scouring the road, looking for any working vehicle and supplies while they were at it.

“Stay here and keep a lookout.” Nicole instructed Beth to stay where she was, out in the open where it would be easy to keep an eye on her, and within shouting distance if she needed help.

Nicole didn't move until Beth gave her a hesitant nod, showing that she had listened and would do as ordered.

Keeping a good grip on her gun, Nicole slowly stepped out onto the pavement, staying alert for Walkers or any other dangers that may present themselves. Andrea, Michonne and Nicole were all spread out in fan formation, each searching their own little chosen section of cars.

A rusted pickup truck was the first, _and easiest_ , vehicle that Nicole managed to quietly open, _due to it not being locked or rusted shut_ , and rummage through.

A good layer of dirt was settled inside the interior, and an empty Styrofoam cup laid discarded in the passenger's seat, little ripped packages of sugar littered the trucks floorboard. Nothing else was inside save for the keys, _which was still in the ignition_ ,  and a tacky hula dancer stuck up on the dash. _It was disappointing to say the least._

Nicole, _after_ _declaring the pickup truck already searched after a quick look in the bare tailgate_ , eventually moved on to a light blue minivan that looked more promising.

In an action that nearly cost her her life; Nicole recklessly opened the sliding side door, _which was thankfully unlocked_ , without first checking and seeing through the window, and was harshly reminded of why her brother never fully trusted her alone during search missions.

The sudden appearance of a Walker startled Nicole into raising her gun as soon as it's grotesquely disfigured rotten face appeared inside the minivan. However, Nicole didn't fire straight away. Regardless of the danger that the Walker possessed, it was securely strapped in it's seat by its own seatbelt.

“S'pose you got bite and got ditched, huh?” that didn’t sound like the most appropriate way to speak to the dead, Nicole supposed, but the fucker wouldn’t hesitate to take a chunk of flesh out of her if it had the chance. _Besides, it was dead, it couldn’t care less or understand what she said to it._  

After a more thorough search of the vehicle, and finding it empty of all other threats, Nicole turned her attention to the Walker. Mind whirling with ideas of how to dispose of the living dead, _seeing as she didn't want to waste a bullet on such an easy kill,_ Nicole settled on the simplest solution.

“Hey, Andrea!” Nicole called out to the trigger happy sniper, who was standing nearby, searching through her own vehicle. Once she garnered the other blondes attention, she continued; “You got a knife I could use?!”

“Yeah, just hang on!” Andrea called back, setting something down in order to make her way over and see the problem Nicole was currently trying to deal with. “What'd you fine?”

“Take a look and see for yourself.” Nicole said as she gestured inside, where the restrained Walker had doubled its efforts to try and reach its prey as Andrea appeared.

“Ran into a bit of a problem I see...using a gun would be a waste of a bullet.” Andrea said as she reached into her back pocket, and pulled out a bowie knife. “Need some help?”

“Wouldn’t have called you over otherwise if I didn’.” Nicole blandly retorted, trying to keep her lips from twitching up into a smile at the playful stink-eye Andrea sent her way.

“Watch it, your starting to sound like Dary-” Andrea caught herself before she could complete the recluse hunters name, but it was too late, the name was already out there and with it a solemn silence, which fell over the two women, both very aware and reminded of their recently lost companions.  

“I’m gonna go check an see if the ignition works in this thing. Take care of the Walker for me, okay?” Nicole murmured, not bothering to see if Andrea was doing so or not as she walked around the front of the vehicle to the drivers side door.

Opening the driver side door, _which was also unlocked_ , and the first thing she laid eyes on were the glittering car keys that were dangling from the ignition. _So there was a god after all._

 

Climbing inside the van, Nicole was visibly shaking with barely contained excitement and anticipation as she sat in the driver's seat, her right hand hovering over the ignition keys. Dread and hope wared within her, making her hesitate from trying to start the vehicle, as she put her faith in this van being their transportation across the living-dead infested apocalypse.

Nervously dry swallowing, Nicole turned the ignition--and nothing but a dragged out whining sound, _which shook the entire van_ , emitted from the ignition. Upset but not discouraged at not starting it on the first go, Nicole tried again...and again...and again...and again, by the time she had nearly lost her patience and given up, the car-- _by possibly divine intervention--_ on half-dozenth time, starts.

Nicole’s whoop of victory was accompanied by Andrea’s own shout of success. _The Walker already  taken care of._

“We are in business, ladies, time to lock and load.” Nicole gleefully exclaimed, _mostly to herself_ , as she stepped out of the still running van.

“You found us a car?” Beth asked as she wandered over with a still dozing Judith in her arms, her blue-eyes wide open in wonder as if she hadn't seen one before.

“I found us a _minivan_.” Nicole cheekily corrected as she gestured to said vehicle behind her. “Big enough to fit all of us, and then some.”

“Reeks like a dead skunk in there though.” Andrea commented as she dragged out the now _permanently_ dead Walker and laid it upon the gravel, beside the asphalt and out of the way.

“Somethin’ did die in there.” Nicole retorted exasperatedly, though still managed to smile as she caught Andrea’s eye roll.

“Well at least it's running and can get us anywhere we want to go.” Andrea conceded as she walked back towards the place she had previously been searching.

“This mean we're gonna be leaving now?” Beth asked softly, her eyes filled with both fear and uncertainty.

“That we are.” Nicole somberly told her, understanding the hardship they were all about to face with life on the road. ‘ _Beth and Judith would be affected by this the most.’_ Nicole internally thought, making a mental note to herself to keep a very close eye on them at all times. _And teach Beth how to defend herself._

Before she could say anything worth comforting the teenage girl, she was interrupted by their five and last group member.

“We shouldn't be sticking around for long.” Michonne said as made her way over towards the revving minivan. “We'll attract more Walkers staying in one place and making that much noise if we do.”

“We know.” Nicole replied nodding her head to the minivan, and then to where Andrea was gathering her things. “Ready to head out as soon as we got everythin’.”

“Okay.” Michonne said, unexpectedly sliding out her katana. “Though there's one last thing for me to do.” without forewarning, Michonne sliced through the heads of the two chained Walkers and watched with no emotion as they dropped dead; this time permanently.

Nicole didn't comment; though she was dying to, and instead started to put her things in the back of the van. While Michonne and Beth stood close by until Andrea rejoined them.

There's a bag slung over Andrea's shoulder, a gallon of water in her right hand, and the reality of the situation sets in right then for Nicole.

They were finally leaving. The road. The farm. And their only real possible way of finding everyone else. Leaving them all behind them, like they no longer matter.

 

_Rick, Carl, Lori, Shane, Daryl, Glenn, Carol, T-Dog, and Maggie and Hershel._

Nicole briefly shut her eyes as she recalled the last time she seen any of them alive, and quite possibly it _was_ the last time she ever saw them again. She remembered Daryl, Glenn, Shane and Rick going off together, splitting up to go find Randall, who had escaped. She recalled Carl’s sudden disappearance and how Lori, _due to the difficult birth_ , had entrusted Nicole to look after Judith while she recovered in the upstairs bedroom. How everything just seemed to go to hell in a hand basket when those Walkers showed up... _but all that was left was burnt ashes_.

Letting out a deep breath she had been holding, Nicole reopened her hazel eyes, though instead of fear a new determination filled their intense depths.

“Let’s get outta here.”

* * *

_Strumming my pain with her fingers,_

_singing my life with her words,_

_killing me softly with her song._

_Killing Me Softly_Frank Sinatra_


End file.
